Girls
contrary to guys (?) likes to talk to each other about love, life, feelings and
relationships. We can have endless
discussions when we dissects the subject in it’s constituent particles. Here is a sneak peak from a conversation I recently
had with a Swedish girlfriend living in Paris. Let’s call her Elsa.
Elsa: What’s wrong with guys in this city?
Me: I dont know, I would like to know that too…
Elsa: I’ve been dating this half French-half English guy now for 4 months
and we went away on a weekend to his house in South of France and everything
was perfect and he seemed to be interested in me, and now he is like so cold, I
mean the textos doesn’t have this warmth they use to. It’s like he is becoming very
distant. I don’t really know how to interpret that, nor what’s going on..
Me; Maybe he got cold feet, or he thought you guys were moving too fast? Or
maybe he was just not that into you from the beginning, just wanted to play
around a bit. Guys often tend to be flaky when they are not really into
you.
Elsa: Probably, ”The Game” Isn’t it so typical..
Me; Totes, How old is he?
Elsa: 31
Me: The problem is that guys let’s say between 30 and 35 nowadays sees
themselves as relatively young. They think they still have many years ahead to
play and date around, before they are ready to get settled.
Elsa: Yes, I definitely feel that too, it’s like a big ’decalage’, especially
if you live in a big city. People get married later and guys doesn’t care to
commit any more as you say. For us girls it’s a little bit different, we don’t
have that much time to waste on BS..
Me: Yes, feels like both guys and girls are more careful. There are more
opportunities out there in a bigger city. You want to be sure it’s right, kind
of. Even if I personally feel pretty much done dating, I mean, I don’t see
myself date around another five years from now…
Elsa: Yeah, at some point you want something serious with someone..
Me: Definitely. Maybe you should start dating older guys? Like a couple
of years over 40? 30 year old guys, especially
French are kids nowadays. Don’t waste your time on them if you feel it’s
leading you nowhere and makes you unhappy.
Elsa: Is that what I have to choose between? To date mentally unstable guys
my age or to go for someone divorced with two kids who never wants to go out
anymore?
Me: Haha, yeah I know, totally, but it could be an alternative.
Elsa: Why is communication so hard these days?
Me; The selfish generation doesn’t communicate. We consume. Its like;
”next”. And we are not very connected to our true feelings. We are just
interested in seeing our own market value increase. I don’t wanna be someone
like that.
Me: My relationships I had in Sweden wasn’t like that. They were pure.
Love and respect with another person with a soul and a conscience, like it
should be. I miss that. I think people in big cities are getting more fucked up
and disconnected to their feelings in some way…
Elsa: I have more or less the same experience. In Sweden there isn’t such a
big gap between guys and girls as here. You are more on the same level and can
refer to the same things. You are more like two human beings, more gender
neutral. There isn’t this constant seduction going on.
Me: True. Pros and cons; I love the
simplicity of a relation with a Swedish man but also like the fact that French
guys often are being true gentlemans, etc ,which is really important too.
Elsa: Why do you think there is so much gaming going on with French guys? It feels like certain guys nowadays don’t
wanna play with open cards, they want to ”keep many doors open” at the same
time so to speak..
Me; That’s true and a very good question. I think insecurity is a big reason, you constantly seek
confirmation that your market value is on a steady level. It’s different from guy to
guy though. Some people have it in them more than others. If I like a guy, and
we are dating and then suddenly If I see that he is turning flaky or start
gaming with me I sort of tend to take a step back..and stop my feelings, if I’m
in the process of developing some, it’s self protection.
Elsa: Yeah, you don’t wanna be the pushy one, normal. I’m the same. But I think girls can act like that too. Girls and
guys are more alike than we like to admit. Sometimes we also just wanna date
someone for ”fun. It’s a difficult balance finding someone who is on the same
level as you, the moment you wanna turn it serious. There’s nothing wrong with having a sexual
relationship only either, but then it should be an agreement and without
feelings. When guys are simulating a romance with you just in order to get
laid, thats when it starts to get creepy…
Me; Definitely. I agree… I just want
a descent, nice and honest guy, who can imagine to commit one day in the
future, why is that so hard to find? It’s like it’s getting harder and harder
to find a descent man for every year…
Elsa: The market is harder nowadays, everyone knows exactly what they are
looking for. You know what you want in a guy, you are much more picky than
before, more blasé and disillusioned too. There are more aspects involved, such
as social circles, the higher up in the society you play the more compicated it
becomes, thats my experience.
Me: That’s prolly a part of the explanation I guess, yes.
Elsa; Btw, have you thought about that guys, and particularly more serious
and ”good guys” can see you as a player as well? You are like hot, going out a
lot , know lots of people, etc
Me; I don’t know. No, guess I never thought about that. Some maybe, who
doesn’t know me well enough. That’s a pity in that case. I mean I’m not 23
anymore and you know I am very serious and extremely honest in a relation if I
like the guy.
Elsa: Of course I know that, but they might not know it. French guys can
often be pretty prejudiced. You know, they like to see people as stereotypes.
If you are a blond girl and you go out a lot, then you are automatically like
this or like that…
Me: Totally. Is there anything worse than prejudiced and close minded
people? They also tend to have this patriarchal pathetic old vision about Swedish
girls as some kind of easy -to-get sex godesses…
Elsa: Feels like certain French guys seems
to be like that with foreign girls. They are like gonna play around and when
they decide to marry, it’s gonna be with some French boring woman from a ”good”
family who is a good candidate to present to mum and dad and then she’s gonna
be his housewife.
Me: Yes, I know, I call it ”serf-ish
stone age complex”. I wouldn’t like a guy like that anyway. It is this ”Madonna
and Whore” syndrom which very much influences mens way of thinking even in our
generation. It has to do with upbringing and cultural differences, but is much
more pronounced in latin countries. It’s a bit like this old ”Men are form Mars and woman from Venus” myth. In my world guys wants cool, independent, creative
girls with good values, but with a personality…
Elsa: Sure, latins are more conservative when
it comes to relationships than we are. It’s like if you have sex with them on
the first date, they could never initiate a serious relationship with you. Swedish
guys might not be super romantic, but they do have true values and they will
respect you.
Me: Yes, but should the
modern woman really have to submit to that the longer you wait to sleep with a
guy the more likely you are to get married, doesn’t that feel a little bit
antiquated? I don’t say I am FOR sleeping on the first date, I’m not for
different reasons, I just think guys should upgrade their thinking a little bit
on certain things.
Elsa: Totally, and then we have this
thing with infidelity also, which in a French relationship or marriage seems to
be a rule rather than an exception. It’s just a question of time before the mistress
is brought into the bedroom..
Me: The way they look at that shocked
the hell out of me when I first moved here. I mean, we Swedes are brought up a
totally different way when it comes to that. I think, if you need to cheat, why
be in a couple in the first place? Be single then for gods sake! Or have a
true, straight and honest communication about that you would like to bang
others and agree on doing it. Like that no one gets hurt.
Elsa: Word. There we have it, the
communication again…
Me; French guys have probably grown up seeing their parents having
affairs. Swedes on the other hand are raised
in more equal families where their dad also cooked and took them to
kindergarden.
Elsa: But I mean on the other hand does everything have to be so strictly
monogamous in a relationship? Isn’t that a bit old fashioned too, to believe in
strict monogamous life -long lasting marriages?
Me; That is a very interesting question I can’t really answer, the
question is widely debated at the moment. But as I said before I think
that if a relationship should work in the long run, when you are married and so,
you have to be very very open with what you do, have a good communication and
be very honest with each other. Like to draw lines and sort of define from the
beginning what is ok or not…
Elsa: Feels like this is a subject
we could discuss forever , doesn’t it? So, what is our conclusion of this
discussion?
Me: That we either turn lesbian or start to date only Swedish men.
Elsa; Come on Lindsay, do you give up?
Me; I was joking, let’s go to Le Baron!
J
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