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French guys are strange. At least when you are a Swedish girl, born and raised in Sweden. Where everything is exactly as it seems. People do exactly what they say and they are not turning out to be someone else a while after you got to know them. In Sweden "I love you" means I love you. "I'll see you on Sunday at 22pm" means I'll see the person on Sunday at 22pm and "I've changed, I'm ready to do everything for you". means, well, just that and it's not just something you say to get someone back.
From one thing to another: It's also very hard to be friend with a french guy. To meet up, have a drink, take a coffe, etc doesn't have to meen anything to me. Just that I'm curious about the person and want a new nice friend to hang out with. Ofcourse sometimes it means I'm interested in them but then they will find out quite soon I can promise you. :)
For french guys it means in 98% of the cases that it is a "date" and that I am interested in them. While in Sweden you often take "fikas" with guyfriends, hanging out in their apartments, going out on partys together, sleeping over in their place, having dinner and breakfasts, etc, without that it means anything more than just a great friendship. That's what I call real friendship. I have many guy friends like that in Stockholm.
I stay in their place when I'm there visiting, I'm hanging out in their livingroom eating chips with no makeup dressed in one of their T-shirts talking about everything from the latest record releases and cool new bands to their or mine problems with the opposite sex, giving eachother advices. Before I go out in the evening fixing myself, I walk in and out from my bedroom with different shoes and outfits and my guy friends sais what they think looks the best in term of dress, shoes, makeup and hair.
Don't know if that would work with a french guy though, even if I wish.
French guys I hardly know who adds me on facebook can after a while start to talk to me very intimately online like "sweet kisses" and that kind of things and I am almost embarrassed cause I don't know what to think. Are they trying to hit on me? Are they joking? Or is it just the way they are talking to everyone?
Well, maybe I'm just not used to it, cause that 's a thing a swedish guy would never , ever do.
(If I didnt already kissed him and we had an ongoing story.)
What also causes me a slight nausea is the behaviour certain french guys take on when they are talking to girls is that they are talking to you as if you were a complete retard. A stupid fragile little doll who doesn't understand anything about anything -and always with a seductive undertone. God, I hate that. Then I become cold, stop smiling and answer them back as if I was on a business meeting with them, carefully choosing my words.
Why can't they treat me as an intelligent hard working woman? Cause that's what I am. Talk to me as they talk to they guy friends and ask if I heard the new cool remix of this or that band, discuss business we could do together in the future, etc.
I don't know why it is like this. Back home, at least in the group I hang out with there are no real difference between guys and girls. I can sit on a guydinner together with a tight group of guys drinking vodka shots and they treat me exactly as one of them, as a guy in the group. That's what's normal to me and I feel quite insecure when I am around french guys and the guys are just talking to each other about important, interesting stuff and is turning to me just to talk to me as if I almost wasn't there or in a seductive slimy way.
You have so much more to prove when you're a woman and It's sad it has to be that way.
(Ps: This is not about all the french guys I meet, but maybe 60% of them)
I came across this blog while searching for "why are the french so weird". Well I am a gay foreigner, and have mediterranean looks with blue eyes. I am considered quite good looking (in most countries at least) and not just that but I have 3 degrees in language, business and political science and am from a fairly wealthy family background. I just moved to Paris for an experience, to learn the language and maybe buy a pied-a-terre in Paris - I love Paris and even like many things about France however I have to agree with everything you say in regards to french men or even the women. This is not just the way str8 men in France behave but the gays as well..in fact they are even 10 times worse. I did make some friends in Paris and one of them told me -"the french only socialise in bed"....and i'm finding out this is very true. In Paris everyone is in a relationship or dating or as most of them prefer in "open relationships"....but they are always with a partner... in fact they are obsessed with finding a partner. This is why they are so flirtatious and always have a motive behind even meeting you as a friend... they do not have friends outside their relationship and even within their french communities they are quite detached and aloof people. It's weird because I thought they would be warm people as they are a latin culture - but they are not...Italians and Spanish are much more warm people...French only pretend to be warm but I don't know why they are extremely individualistic and not interested in friendships at all. Their aim in life is to find a partner so they don't need friends....and to have babies which is why the french govt. pays you to have a child in this country. If a bunch of french people sit together for a meal around a table - they act extremely dysfunctional, very detached from each other and just discussing who they slept with or who they will sleep with...and other really stupid things. I remember when I first moved to Paris I met a cute french guy who said he was new in paris too and looking for friends...we met several times...did nice things together and he even helped me move from my apartment to another place....but in the end he started asking me for sex...when I said I wasn't available for "sex" - he disappeared after that....and this is not the first french guy to behave like this with me....they mostly do it. I have lived in many different countries and interacted with many levels of people from all over the world - never have I felt so lonely or isolated as I feel in Paris....it's really a very lonely city. Also I met french from other parts of France who may be nicer but deep down they are all the same....it's a very strong culture and their values are very different from the rest of the world. It is difficult to understand them...they aren't bad people but just very weird.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are finding Paris a lonely city- you seem very normal and not expecting anything unusual from people. I am about to move to Paris- so thank you for the heads up.
DeleteHey, Linda, just read about this article about french guy, i must say i have exactly the same feelings when they are around me(even if i've already been here for almost 4years),even for most of the french people, i just cannot feel their enthouiasme or purely friendship with guys compared with americans or my people in china, that kinda makes me upset sometimes, i even read an article few days ago that if you smile at a man here,a stranger on the street,80% of them or 80% of the cases means "oh,it's sort of a seductive smile,," even though you just wanna espress your friendly side, well, i must say:"here we are, this is france, no matter how strange behaviors they have, do not let all those things bother you. if they are indifferent about you, well, too bad, they don't know they are loosing an amazing female friend!!!
ReplyDeleteIts interesting to find so many of us found this blog after searching for "why are the french so wierd?" so that obviously tells you something about the french, that us Americans, Swedish, British, etc all think the french are wierd, could it be they are?
ReplyDeleteso you just stay in Paris and you can say that french guys are like that (60% of us ahah), Paris is Paris, lot of french people hate parisians, Paris doesn't represent french guys !
ReplyDeleteChuck: Yes very interesting! And funny, I think they are (a li'l bit weird) of course...
ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous: This is written with a bit of humor and maybe french guys from other part of the country are different,, but they can never be like Scandinavian men, they were born latin and will stay latin, for better or worse..;-)
I also came across this while Googling "why are French guys so weird." I am a heterosexual man, and I also think they are pretty strange. Some are friendly enough but I will agree that some will seem very individualistic and rude to you; and as a fellow man, they definitely seem to only talk about sex.
ReplyDeleteI'm American and I definitely wish things could be a bit more like the scenarios in Sweden you describe; friendships with the opposite sex with no expectations or hidden agendas.
Totally. I have been working in france for over ten years and they are the wierdest, most perverse, cruel and selfish people I have ever seen. All kindness seems to be just a facade, as hundreds of social and professional relationships have shown me that french culture sees love, happiness and trust as signs of stupidity. Nice. I am packing whil I write. Sort out you escape plan girl, you will be needing it unfortunately. Peace.
ReplyDeleteWow, calm down! We're not all like that! Maybe you saw this in Paris or in a big city, but we're not all like that.
DeleteYou know I'm French on my dad's side and have lived in English speaking countries most of my life...and my dad is always sad, doesn't trust anyone and never talks about love and is very unloving. I def. think a lot of French people are like that. If If I act happy he looks at me like I'm crazy and childish. I have noticed a lot of French people in forums and youtube videos making comments about being being "too happy" or "showing too much love" and saw that as being immature. A lot of them are def.very sad people...growing up and going to French schools was a real nightmare...so much arrogance, focus on intellect instead of personality, so much focus on perfection...always looks at what's wrong first. Strangely enough I have started meeting a lot of very friendly French throughout my life...very friendly and they helped me heal a lot, mostly they are French minorities...but even they really lack happiness even when nice...the only French that seem to have some sort of happiness are the ones on TV...they laugh a lot etc...but still not nearly as much as other countries...however I have noticed when the French do laugh, it's more sincere...often Americans laugh at every sentence but it seems so fake...when a French person laughs it is more sincere and from the heart.
DeleteWell, as the French I can tell you, yes, we are obsessed by finding a partner. But, we like socialize like everybody, we have friends we love them :D. Also, French people are often shy face to a stranger and it maybe is a cause for why we are weird.
ReplyDeleteYou wanna know the real reason?
ReplyDeleteFrench people don't socialize with you, foreigners, because you are not French.
That's all!
They consider, you re here for a short while therefore it is not interesting to be friend. Friendship in France is different from other country. Friend in France is so real, so pure, consequently, you have few chance to become friend with French people. (YOU NEED 5 years, at least..)
It is not like American people who could be friend with the first person met in the street, and then never help you if you are in need.
French are more REAL.
It is all I love about French.
Yes, that's kind of right, but as a french person, I would LOVE to meet new people from other countries, because it's so interesting! But you can be friends if you see the french person every day in a year, if you have a good "connection". Then it can REALLY TAKE YEARS!
Deleteyes 100% true. I lived in the USA and people friend you immediately but then when you need help they are nowhere to be seen, or the friendship is just very superficial and one day they talk to you, the next they don't. Conversations are very superficial too. Emotions are very shallow. The ones who helped me when I really needed it were foreigners living in the US (especially Carribean) and black americans. Black americans are very very helpful...but also they can end friendships very fast and don't communicate well. I had a black american friend from Orlando that I found on FB 15 years later and she was initally very happy and said she had a "big grin" on her face when I asked to friend her, I then sent a long message and she responded, I then responded, then nothing. She didn't even read my reply. But would like my status and make one liners comments...felt just very superficial to me...and it was like that with all my black american friends...but they had helped me so much when I lived in the US (financially, letting me stay in their house when I had nowhere to go, giving me rides, buying food, giving me clothes etc). It's just a different culture I guess.
DeleteI have also had problems with friendship with the French. It's not always true that friendships in French are always pure. Sometimes they can be very toxic because French people can be very negative and they are too direct which can be hurtful. But yes they are more sincere than French. My two longest and best relationships were with French people. One 14 years and another 10 years. They really "get" emotions, conversation is brilliant and they are so sincere and friendly and really there for you when you need it. However they can be so pessimist and negative and it is really affecting me sometimes. I understand that Americans can have a lot of fake positivity and deny negative emotions and don't express them but sometimes in life you really need to be around positive people.
I have et American people via FB through a very dark time and they really really helped me. Wrote everyday for months,some years. Then the relationship ended because they want a relationship and fell in love...
I also developped a 5 year old friendship with an indian and just out of them all, probably the best eventhough sometimes he doesn't understand my culture. Just his way of talking...just so so so friendly...
To date, I prefer Belgians over any country so far. They're the friendliest...
"treat me as an intelligent hard working woman? Cause that's what I am." I'm sorry, but that comment just shows the exact opposite. Most studies show how people that think like you are actually a few levels below in most intelligence measures. This is most probably the reason why you can't go from trivial cross-cultural differences to deep reasoning about why the French might be a strange culture.
ReplyDeleteParisians strike me as very hard people. Thick skinned, opportunistic, car salesmen types. I have a feeling their history plays a large part, they are like abused orphans with a resentment towards the world. They have no humour, no simple niceness, they really couldnt care less if you bled to death in front of them. Paris is the least romantic city I have ever been to, and the whole old city is a theme park of fakeness and pomp. I dont recall seeing anyone smile the whole time.
ReplyDeleteStrange, when I went to Paris lots of people smiled at me. Especially white mature women (above 40) and morrocan/algerian/black young girls. Men don't smile. The men that do smile sometimes are the french morrocans/algerians, they are so friendly and have such a great sense of humor, of course not all of them. Yes the French have no sense of humor, I mean they do but it's different...and personally doesn't make me laugh that much...true, most people in Paris couldn't care less if you bled. I once had a horrible panick attack in a hotel lobby and collapsed on the floor and felt like I wa s going to die. The Spanish receptionist didn't do anything. Spanish people walked by and spoke in Spanish to the receptionist and didn't do anything and left. I stayed like this for awhile. Then a young French girl came and asked me very rudely what I was doing on the floor and I asked to please call a doctor so I could receive a valium to help. She never even handed me the phone or made the call for me. The receptionist put the phone on the floor, very far from me. I had to crawl on the floor to reach the phone and they gave me the number of a doctor (at least they did that!!!) and I called asking for a doctor...and he came very fast and I had been able to sit on a chair by then and the French girl sat next to me and told me in a very rude tone of voice "you need to stop thinking stressful thoughts because that makes you panic" and because her tone of voice was so rude, it made me panic even more. I mean, the stressful thoughts was not the problem at all, it was more like negative energies in the hotel and just my life being a mess. Then she left and went on about her business. The doctor came fast and took me to the back in a room and sat me down and he was very friendly and he was Algerian and it calmed me down a lot and he gave me a valium. He then said to sleep a bit on the bed but the manager who is also ethnic minority came in and asked me if everything was okay now and said I couldn't stay here I needed to leave. He wasn't very friendly when I left, looked at me very rudely and with contempt.
DeleteThen later went to a psych. ward in Luxembourg, where I was born and the nurses were French and treated me horribly, so much abuse. Very rude...
But I can tell you that they're not all like that, some are very very friendly.
As a French Parisian I Say : Hello everyone :)
ReplyDeleteYou are true in most of things I've read ... It's sad but when I ask people about man & woman friendship they answer me : "This kind of friendship does not exists, It always finish in sex or more..."
By the way, they don't socialize with foreigner because they are : terrible english speakers and moreover, Parsisian are well known for being cold ....
It's really hard for me to see so much selfishness in People. I've moved in the "Alpes" for a few years, and Parisians are not welcomed here ...
Of course we are not all like that, but sometimes I wish to meet foreigners to exchange and have real friendships ....
Finally I've told myself that is maybe normal to have only a few people who see yourself as an intelligent person .... but reading all of this, I think I was wrong ... French are always complaining about stupid things are not focused on the good things ....
Foreigners, I'm waiting for you to show you some cool stuff in France :)... and excuse me for my English mistakes !!!
yes they are very cold but also more sensitive emotionally and have more sincere feelings...
DeleteIt's a shame.
ReplyDeleteI am a french girl and I am trying to move out of France because I find my own country too weird. Living abroad confirmed it to me a couple of years ago. I have to be out of here next year, I suffocate. I live in Paris, and I would say that outside of it, it feels a bit different and warmer, other french dont like Parisians, which I understand. But France may vary from place to place but the main ideologies remain the same. When I lived abroad I could either flirt with or befriend guys in a very healthy way, it was clear what it was. In France it is confusing, people get in relationships without CALLING IT WHAT IT IS. So you may think you date someone while that person thinks you're a friend with potential benefits. I have a very rich social life in Paris, 80% of my friends being foreigners. I thank God I have been given the talent of learning foreign languages pretty fast, I speak english fluently. I am so happy I do!!! Before befriending foreigners, I almost had no friends. When I lived abroad my social life was effortlessly rich, I felt alive. Most foreigners in France want out. They are shocked and saddened.
Today it just crossed my mind to google "french guys are weird", I found your page and it totally confirms what I thought. I have never seriously been involved with a french guy for this reason, they are weird. I would lie if I said the typical french girl wasnt weird either. And if foreigners from so many different countries see the same thing it can't be just me. It's a shame that I have to speak bad of my country but it is a weird place.
People seldom say what they mean or mean what they say. People talk about their sex lives in the workplace as if it was talking about the latest soccer game on TV the other day. I hate it, and thank God I will start working in an international company soon, with many non-french people. I have french friends dont get me wrong, but they do NOT think like the average french, we already know we are more likely to marry a foreigner anyway, and I KNOW FOR A FACT that I'm not gonna live here.
It's a weird society. You are right, again, I feel bad about bashing my own country, but french folks dont realize how weird they are. They criticize everyone and think they are the best thinkers. We are not special, again I have been to other countries, with better morals, better social stability or values, better respect for each other. One of my siblings already lives abroad, I am moving out soon, I have to, wish me luck!
I wish you luck Elle. You have courage.
DeleteMiss C (USA)
Thank you so much Miss C
DeleteOMG this is SO true. I'm French too and think the same. I went to live in a foreign country and was SO happy then was forced to come back in France and I was so shocked at how cold people are and distant emotionally, criticize everything and everyone. I always felt "out of place" when going to French schools and living here. People are so rude and mean and so negative...very abusive emotionally...they have no happiness, think they are the best, so lost into rational things, French girls are obsessed with weight and appearance, especially the young ones... have suffered so much abuse with the French...they are so narrow minded...lost in reasoning...they never include me in anything and when they do I don't feel like I fit in, don't understand their "jokes", not funny at all...
DeleteBut the ones on the TV are not like that strangely...they are so different...
However I've met some very friendly people in Paris but usually they are minorities and older women...the worst kind are the young white girls...they are absolutely horrible...and the white men of any age they are just very very bad although some of them are nice and have a sense of humor but I think they come from another city, not Paris...
However it really depends where you go and who you meet. I've been in hotels in Paris where they were the rudest people ever and had Spanish receptionists and then went to another hotel where the French receptionist was the nicest ever and so helpful...and then been to London where the Spanish receptionist was the most friendly ever...with a big warm smile...I don't know it's strange...but yeah I don't fit with French esp. the white ones...
Paris is a world apart .
ReplyDeleteI am a French guy and I feel the same here in Paris.
But beware of generality, there are in this country as elsewhere weird people and great people .
I live with a foreign friend here in Paris and all is well with her, without a second thought!
The qualities and defects have no nationality. ;)
The Language barrier is real.
the French ( Including me) are not good at English :/
That limit, and we just seem to be cold .
This is very unfair to the many relaxed, nice and friendly French men. You are talking about a category of Parisian men that you met. It pisses me off a bit that many people will read this article and have prejudices now. How many women have you influenced enough so that their interactions with French men will be colder than what they would have been naturally ?
ReplyDeleteI have plenty of women friends with who I act just as you described Swedish people do, and I have male friends who do the same.
I dislike the kind of men you described but please replace French with "many Parisian". Haven't you read all the comments going in the same direction as mine ?
Unfair and harmful !
You're right, i'm from northern France (next to England), I'm a girl and here I have a lot of male friends, who don't even want to be in a relationship w/ me (I don't want either) because we know too well! We became like brothers and sisters! Then Parisians are cold, narcissistic, selfish and haughty people, who only cares about meaningless little things!
DeleteI've been dating a French Parisian man for about 1 year and I also searched "weird french men..." I was basically looking for... answers. Or relief to confirm that my experience was common to other people... He is indeed how everyone says: cold, narcissistic, selfish, weird, sometimes unreliable and not very affectionate. I'm not sure why the French are known for being romantic... Why Paris is known for being romantic... Seems like a total misconception.
ReplyDeleteThe fact is, I can see there's a person there that has learned to be that way because his parents, his teachers, his role-models, his friends were like that... He talks about a difficult childhood, a difficult time at school, being scolded in front of strangers as a toddler... I can tell it kind of hurts him as well... Or it did at some point and he just got used to it. I can also tell he's changing. He says he won't change, but he is changing. And there are some amazing things about him I'm not sure I would have found anywhere and in anyone else.
But, I don't live in Paris, we met in the US and I'm latin... So I can see that change is easier because we're not in Paris. I can't imagine what it's like to live in a city where EVERYONE is cold and selfish. But, it's all a choice. It's a choice you make everyday.
I can't imagine
I can't imagine
I have been study and then worked in France in total `3 years now, the first day I already feel hated, in the paris subways everybody just look so cold and it doesnt give a fuck about you, but then I still have to finish my study, and of course learning the culture and dating the french guys. They are all selfish and most time narcissism, some nice people are also a bit boring, always want secure and stability, they always believe their ideas always the best ideas, even they are so wrong they still have to keep the proud to the end and wont listen to any other people that just make me sick. everything they were talking about is always complicated relationships or criticism about other people or culture, when they make jokes is always sexist and racist, i find super rude, and THEY ALL LIES!!!! i hated feels like a fool when they make the stupid play, the last guy i met was the worst, and when you have your worst moment there is no one there for you, they are not shy, they just dont care, i dont think they know what is happening in the world now, while i am talking about the people never travel or live abroad, but they talked like they know everything, this is very sad. there can be no sense most of time when i gone to the argument with a french that i have to keep my self calm down, because they dont really listinning. of course i met some nice people,but very rare and very fragile, but never the real truthful and not so much fun, i always labelled a crazy person as they are just so judgemental about everything, women can be jealous most of time but they could not feel comfortable when you speak different language and being exotic, they dont really care about you, maybe i just never get their humor, will leave here when i finish my contract and i dont think i will even want to back here, definitely not a happy place to live.
ReplyDeleteYes the French always called me 'crazy' all the time, and not in a joking way...just in a very mean and rude way. Parents did this, random people on the streets, siblings, friends, school mates...just everyone and it really hurt me psychologically and I had a lot of problems later in life because of that...I have never felt like a French person growing up, and fled to English speaking countries for years, until recently because I have met some very nice French people and the English/Americans got on my nerves as they were very nice at first but then also very hard to deal with...too robotic especially the Americans and the english very cold emotionally but in a different way than the French....Yes Paris seems like a sad place...however I have been and have seen people laughing, I guess I was in the right place at the right time ooops haha :) I have met many americans who have zero sense of humor too...and never laugh....the ones who laugh a lot are the british...very funny people LOL....yes French make racist/sexist jokes and everyone laughs, I have always felt very triggered by it since a child and still can't stand it to this day. My French siblings are very selfish and always talks about people, people, people...but believe me they're not all like that as I've met some very nice people in Paris...yes...and they smile at you at Mc Donald's, the people in Mc Donald's in London NEVER EVER smile, the ones in Paris always do and make you feel human. Ignore the bad people in Paris...the minorities are very friendly and the young people too, everyone is different.
DeleteStrange but my experience in the subway is very different. I have always seen the subway being very animated with people laughing and chatting and being so friendly...opposite with the tube in London where people are a lot more cold...anyway it's strange...people have completely different experiences...and have experienced very friendly people too in dentist office, hotels, very very friendly and not rude...it really depends on what kinds of French....but the police there in Paris pretty rude LOL
All in all I think Belgium or Swiss is the best