Monday, 24 December 2012


                                                   Me @ my mum's on Christmas eve
                                                           I am looking at an angel


Wednesday, 19 December 2012


As you might have noticed I never write any private things about myself in my blog. You never know where in Europe I live, where and what I'm working with or any details about my private life such as relationships, etc. This is partly cause I had problems with mail stalkers before (disturbed people pretending to be someone else) and cause it's non of anyone's business...
If you wanna know anything like this about me you have to be my friend IRL.
The only thing I can say is that I'm not married and do not have kids.

Thursday, 13 December 2012


 1920's jet set couple Sara and Gerald Murphy in East Hamptons.
Rio de Janeiro 1930. Playground for that times jet set. 
                               Grace Kelly and prince Rainier of Monaco in the 30's

Claudia Schiffer in Monaco
Brigitte Bardot at Pampelonne Beach, St Tropez
Pucci in jet set resort Capri in Italy 1950
Alain Delon as Tom Ripley in The Talanted Mr Ripley 1959

Zsa Zsa Gabor and Porfirio Rubirosa Orly Airport 1955
Chris Von Wangenheim on a yacht with models 1970
Marianne Faithful, Desmond Guinness and Mick Jagger, Leixlip Castle, Ireland 1968
The Duke of Windsor, Nice 1954
Jackie Kennedy at the Waldorf Astoria New York 1959

Monday, 10 December 2012


Dark, dark night in Stockholm. I'm running in the highest heels down Birger Jarlsgatan. The nightclubs are all closing now. The dark and decadent screams of the lost souls who had too much to drink and of everything is echoing in my mind. The models. The bad boys. The others. Had forgot this side of my city. Everything pours over me like a revealing rain that smudges the mascara of even the most innocent girls. The sound of glass breaking, the wine that runs like smudged blood to the edge of the table and slowly drops on the black carpet. A Louboutin heel smashes the pieces of what's left of the glass. I see everything in slowmotion. Thinking of the last one I kissed, of all the nights in different parts of the world. Nothing is like here. Such long time have passed. Do I even belong here anymore. Or did I miss it more than everything? The rain is heavier than ever. I'm back where it all started and I love it.  I am someone else now. Someone is breathing next to me, I hear my own heartbeats over the music.This is about everything and nothing.
This song suddenly comes on, red wine is running through my veins. "In the land of gods and monsters, I was an angel, looking to get fucked hard" Lana sings. I am taking a shower with my clothes on. Tomorrow is another day.

Monday, 3 December 2012


How do they do in Sweden to live through the winter?  
This dark and deeply depressing period of the year... How do they do to keep up when the lack of a big city's dangerous and decadent inspiration is so substantial? When they are sitting here in the pitch black dark of december, staring out on a white depressing coat of snow that has fallen over everything that once gave pleasurable inspiration and desire to live I ask myself.
I am trying hard, it doesn't come easy, by living on the internet, checking out blogs where I read about wealthy and well groomed heiresses dressed in couture fur and designer heels, by listening to addictive remixes of the latest cool tracks released, by drinking cup after cup of strong coffee in order to function and be able to go through the day. Of course by checking out all the news mags, both Swedish and foreign, by watching series about CIA agents with high energy levels you wouldn't even maintain on speed, by using a certain perfume that makes you remember what was wonderful and by talking to inspiring friends who knows you well and who you had fun with in Ibiza a couple of months ago.  But hell, you have to concentrate, you have to focus and most of all you need one hell of a great imagination.

What you need to do more is to imagine yourself a couple of months from now, in a warm place where you are lying right under the sun that burns your slimmed, slightly tanned body. You close your eyes and all you can see is the warm sun that lights up the bright blood red color on the inside of your eyelids. How you suddenly hear "This is for you madame"open your eyes and gratefully accept the well chilled glass of champagne from the waiter while you turn around and see your beloved lying there next to you in the lounger in the sand under the parasol. On your right side a pile of fresh fashion mags in your new beach bag, on your left a plate of various exotic fruits and a sandy hand slowly caressing your stomach...Your mind zaps and you imagine yourself stroll over a crossroad in L.A, in Mexico or in Barcelona, -wherever that takes you back to that feeling of absolute pleasure. Your favorite music on maximum volume in your ears, your body feels light, relaxed, dressed in new sexy summer clothes and high heels, on your way to buy a coffee and meet up with friends. The feeling of natural happiness, as if nothing in the world could make you feel bad. As if you were the happiest person in the world. There are such moments you have to imagine, when you're surrounded by a compact darkness, when it's so cold outside your eyes fills with tears, you see the daylight only during a few hours and everything is gloomy, suicide dark and shady.  It's difficult at first, you can get small flashes of happiness a couple of times a day if you try really hard. It's just like a dream, allow yourself to dream a lot, and to sleep. Breathe, keep the focus on the future, if you do it right it can even make you feel good in the now.  Go on with whatever creative you were doing, even if it feels hopeless.  In a couple of months, it will turn and you will forget that you ever felt like this.