Sunday, 28 November 2010


Sometimes you didn't knew you loved someone so much, until much later...
Sometimes you carry around this love inside you for a long time and you didn't even knew it was there anymore.
Like if it was sleeping and then it suddenly woke up and everything "click"when you are with that right person. Months and years can pass-and it's still there.
I can describe it as if I was a piece in a puzzle. I'm trying and trying with so many different pieces, one is too big, one too small, the third too square,etc. You can keep on trying different pieces to match yours forever and no one will really fit. Until you find the one that exact matches with your piece. Or maybe it was there all the time but you didn't want to see it.
It is so natural. You can feel it immediately. It's like a secret unit between you. A strong feeling that you belong together what ever happens. That you completely correspond and that it was meant to be.
You can't do anything to change that feeling.
Even if you sometimes and for some reasons try hard to ignore it, it won't dissapear.
This is how it feels like when you have a soulmate I think.


Saturday, 20 November 2010


Trust is very important. Trust is everything and without trust you can't built any type of relationship with people.
Last night I had dinner with a very wise girlfriend and we talked a lot about this subject.
If you are a sensitive, thinking person like us, comes from a normal home with a childhood filled with love you already have this inside you. We believe trust and honesty is the most important and its the core in our way of thinking and in relationships with other people and partners.We were never let down as children. We grew up with this unconditional love that made us the person we are today.
I'm not saying we are better than other people because of that. People who never had this can grow up and become loving caring wonderful persons anyway ofcourse, I know many examples of that-but not all of them.
That's why it is so hard when we meet ( have relationships) with people that isn't like this and doesn't have this inside of them even a tiny bit.
When we were growing up starting to have relationships , we always felt secure in ourselves, with lots of love to give, taking it for granted that we could trust the other person and that honesty is something that is so natural when you love someone.
Later on we discovered not all people are like us. "Fucked up" and lost people, due to their low self esteem, their fucked up childhood, their lack of love or other issues. They are destructive and very very manipulative and either have to destroy everything they have achieved cause deep inside of them they feel they are not "worth it" maybe cause of the way they were treated as a child -or people that once they have love they can't appriciate it and is compulsingly going out continuing seducing and abuse woman as if they were delicious desserts and not human beings, woman after woman, more and more lies, they are lying and lying and lying, it becomes a second nature- trying to cover themselves until it just gets ridiculous, or until their partner find out and the relationship is smashed into a million little pieces.

Sometimes theraphy can help, but as my girlfriend's theraphist said about the behaviour of her ex boyfriend: I'ts gonna take about 7 years of theraphy until he can get out of his fathers cellar".
I feel sorry for those people. Sometimes you think you can help, but it's actually very hard to change the behaviour of someone like this. It have to come from themselves, and if that is possible, only future can tell.
To be continued...


Monday, 15 November 2010



I spent this weekend in London, visiting a friend of mine who lives there. It's been so long since I was in London the last time. It's almost as if it was in another life. Atleast I had another life back then. I lived in Stockholm, was with my boyfriend at that time, etc.
Back then we went over to London quite often, on shopping trips and to check out the nightlife, to the Reading festival and so on. I specially remember the last time I was there. We went to hang out at the Notting Hill carneval with a huge group of swedish musicians and dj's. We stayed in André, (Mick Jones from the Clash) cousins house in Notting Hill. Mick Jones was there also, chainsmoking joints I remember. On my birthday we went to some market nearby and I bought birthday cake ingredients and made a huge cake for the evening of my B-day that we celebrated in a club. It was a big party- my London friends were organizing. They were all dj'ing there and then everyone went back to Andrés house to have an afterparty. He had turntables in his house so everyone was dj'ing and it was very funny and a crazy afterparty and my friend David got lost during the night and missed his flight back home, oh what a night...

This time I went alone, to visit my friend. I had forgotten about the smells and the "London feeling" and it now came all back to me, so cosy. I love London. It's a special feeling there I can't describe- of a city that is so old and all the history and everything else. I missed it.
I stayed with my friend who lives in Kensington in a typical London flat with the two doors and the little stairs sourrounded by a fence with those typical little square backyards, quite cosy. I could live here I guess.
We went to have typical London lunch with sausages and mashed potatoes and then we went to Liberty. Liberty is definitely one of my fav places for shopping in London, but is depresses me to go in there cause I feel this strong desire I want to buy every single item in the store and it's a tiny bit frustrating. I fell in love with so many things at Liberty's. For example a Stella McCartney cashmere scarf for 300 pounds, a Liberty agenda for 75 pounds, all of the shoes in the shoe department, etc... I decided that the next time I come to visit my friend in London I will bring at least one whole salary so I can have some spending orgasms at Liberty.
After some shopping we took a cab home to change for the evening and I called a couple of London friends that used to organize party's in London to ask them what was going on that evening. They told me the London nightlife kind of sucked for the moment but that a friend was having his Birthday bash in a hotel and that we could go there if we wanted. After an inappropriate amount of Tattinger each we went to the dinner that was in a cosy restaurant my friend had chosen together with a couple who works in finance. After that we went to the hotel party where I got arrested by the police. (That was a joke)
Anyway, it was fun and we continued the afterparty in my friend's place with some good toasts with cheese and ham, going wild on hypem scream singing The Clash on loadest volume possible and some more Tattinger...
The next day we decided to go cultural so we went to the Tate Modern, which is Londons national museum of modern art with british and international modern and contemporary artists. Since I promised myself to become more interested in contemporary art and start to collect it in the future it was a good choise to go there and check it out. After Tate we went to the national portrait gallery to check out the Taylor Wesson photographic portrait Prize which presents the very best in contemporary portrait photography with the most talanted young photographers alongside that of established professionals.
Was also a very interesting exhibition.
My trip to London was very nice but too short and now I realise I have to go back there more often.
I'm even considering spending christmas there since my family will be in Spain and I'm all alone and I prefer even staying in an empty apartment in London then alone in my flat in Paris. Well, We'll see about that, I know I will be back soon anyway cause the love affair between London and me is definitely on again.

Sunday, 7 November 2010


One of the best things I know is to get hooked up with people I have never met, by friends in common, and luckily for me it happens to me more and more often here in Paris. Friends of friends that's coming to Paris a weekend or a week, modelfriends of friends who are coming to stay a longer period, or even friends of friends that decided to move here permanently.
It started already in the beginning when I moved to Paris, but has become more and more frequent the past couple of years. Since my friends knows I go out a lot, dj a lot and know of all the good places, nightclubs and restaurants in Paris, that I am very social and sometimes called a "partygirl", I think they find it natural to ask me to hook up with their friends and to show them around town.
I am also very curious as a person, love to meet new people, hate routins and love everything unpredictable.
I often go out to parties alone, cause then I'm free to leave whenever I want with whatever group of people I happen to meet during the evening and I meet the most random and funny people that way.
People tend to speak more to a girl out alone, then if you are in a group...
Other people might think, Oh no, not again, dont wanna be a partyguide this weekend as well, but I can't think of anything better than to go on "blinddates"with total unknown's which turns out to be really funny, creative and lovely people that's soon becoming my new friends as well. Since they were already friends of my friends, it's a very little risk I wouldn't get along with them when they have quite the same mentality as my friends.
Many of those friends who lives all around the world, ( L.A, New York, London, Tel Aviv, Stockholm, etc)  I keep in contact with and they call me every time they come to Paris and we'll do something and I would ofcourse do the same if I visited their countries.
So friends, keep on hooking me up on blinddates with your nice friends that are visiting Paris, so I can take them out on "allnighters" we will never forget.
Now I have to run- I'm having lunch with a very funny brother and sister I was hooked up with the other day, tell you more about that later.

Thursday, 4 November 2010


A couple of days ago I went to the opening of the Russian filmfestival in Paris with my russian DJ friend, V, I met at a gig where we played together like a week ago.
First we went to a cinema in St Germain and saw the opening film that won prices at the Venise filmfestival this year. It was a heavy movie about two lonely men that bonded which eachother. Ofcourse there was some vodka drinking and some prostitutes in the film also which reinforced my prejudices about Russia a bit;)
After that we went out in the street and there was two buses that waited to take us to the afterparty at the Russian Embassy in St Germain somewhere.
The place was outstanding and looked a bit like Versailles with huge mirrors, red carpets and chandeliers and golden statues everywhere.
Everyone was dressed in cocktail and suits and the crowd was quite stiff at the beginning. All the actors from the movie was there and the whole russian crowd in Paris.
I was told the bartenders were in fact security guards, and they only spoke russian.
Everyone I spoke to took for granted I was russian as well, but the only thing I know in russian is "Priviet and "na zdrowie"!
Which I told everyone I met.
It was a huge table in one of the rooms with an enormous buffé of various russian food and ofcourse shitloads of russian vodka.
We ate and drank and I spent half an hour to figure out how I could eat a russian meatroll without a fork and another half hour to actually eat it.
The evening was really, really nice, but the end even nicer...
We were standing in a group talking, some people, me, V and he's friends and some others and there was still lots of people left at the party when suddenly my friend V made an incidental move which resulted in that a huge glass bowl that was attached to a huge golden statue (apparenly a piece of art from  1900 or something) was smashed in a million pieces on the floor.
It was completely quiet for a moment, no one moved, all eyes on us, until someone suddenly sais: - Mazeltov!
It was so funny that I had to turn around not to laugh my ass off and after this little incident we slowly took off "to go and get some air". I was laughing all the way out and V promised he would repeat this little "art performance" of his at the next party, which I thought was an extraordinary idea.

I am waiting with impatience for my next invitation to the russian embassy!


Here comes a list of the ugliest "fashion" for the moment, the real NO-NO's I rather die than get caught in one of the following:

One of the most hideous and ugly jacket that ever existed. Were this if you want to look like the Michelin man, someone from the suburb or a norwegian brat year 2005.
The only time it's ok to were the down is if you are on going on a ski vacation. Basta.

Cheap, cheap and did I say cheap?

Of any kind. Just Ugly.

The most unsexy a woman can were, swear to god you wouldn't caught me alive in a pair of those...

Hello Hoochie mama! Tasteless and tacky old lady/prostitute attribute
(* could be ok if it is a small item such as a pair of gloves only though)

Looks like shit, cheap and trashy, as if you couldn't afford to buy proper ones.
I wore this when I was 13, then it was cool. /Why would you like to look any shorter and fatter than you are?

Sportswear should be worn at the gym and only at the gym.

In case you don't have time to go to the toilet, otherwise only ok on Mc Hammer.

If you want to look like a mix between a lumberjack and a lesbian cowboy.

Once again, sportswear is only ok at the gym I told ya.

ONLY ok if you are under 15, (and not even then)

Tuesday, 2 November 2010


Makes me so fucking angry how some people treat other people, think that they are the kings of the fucking universe and can do whatever they want, without never ever have any negative consequences for their selfish, cruel, falce and schizophrenic behaviour.
People with no real hearts. Who never learnt to love-for real.
For example now, when a person I know quite well to put it that way is pretending he has a serious relationship with some poor girl who lives in London, but the thing is she has NO clue of that he had another girl for the whole summer at the same time and lots of other ones as well, ( for example a little anorectic 22 year old he is fucking for fun and who is also completely obsessed with him) and on top of that claimes he is MORE than single each time he speaks to me, and that it's complete"bullshit" that he has a girlfriend. Makes me so fucking angryyy!! I hope this girl is gonna find out who he really is and fast.
WHEN did people lose all their dignity, moral and values and allowed themselves to lie to everybody about everything like freakin'12 years olds???
Grow up!
Or as we say in Sweden; cut your hair and get a job.