I am trying hard, it doesn't come easy, by living on the internet, checking out blogs where I read about wealthy and well groomed heiresses dressed in couture fur and designer heels, by listening to addictive remixes of the latest cool tracks released, by drinking cup after cup of strong coffee in order to function and be able to go through the day. Of course by checking out all the news mags, both Swedish and foreign, by watching series about CIA agents with high energy levels you wouldn't even maintain on speed, by using a certain perfume that makes you remember what was wonderful and by talking to inspiring friends who knows you well and who you had fun with in Ibiza a couple of months ago. But hell, you have to concentrate, you have to focus and most of all you need one hell of a great imagination.
What you need to do more is to imagine yourself a couple of months from now, in a warm place where you are lying right under the sun that burns your slimmed, slightly tanned body. You close your eyes and all you can see is the warm sun that lights up the bright blood red color on the inside of your eyelids. How you suddenly hear "This is for you madame"open your eyes and gratefully accept the well chilled glass of champagne from the waiter while you turn around and see your beloved lying there next to you in the lounger in the sand under the parasol. On your right side a pile of fresh fashion mags in your new beach bag, on your left a plate of various exotic fruits and a sandy hand slowly caressing your stomach...Your mind zaps and you imagine yourself stroll over a crossroad in L.A, in Mexico or in Barcelona, -wherever that takes you back to that feeling of absolute pleasure. Your favorite music on maximum volume in your ears, your body feels light, relaxed, dressed in new sexy summer clothes and high heels, on your way to buy a coffee and meet up with friends. The feeling of natural happiness, as if nothing in the world could make you feel bad. As if you were the happiest person in the world. There are such moments you have to imagine, when you're surrounded by a compact darkness, when it's so cold outside your eyes fills with tears, you see the daylight only during a few hours and everything is gloomy, suicide dark and shady. It's difficult at first, you can get small flashes of happiness a couple of times a day if you try really hard. It's just like a dream, allow yourself to dream a lot, and to sleep. Breathe, keep the focus on the future, if you do it right it can even make you feel good in the now. Go on with whatever creative you were doing, even if it feels hopeless. In a couple of months, it will turn and you will forget that you ever felt like this.